Iron Man 3

The picture above shows just how tired not only Tony is, but the suit itself. Robert Downey Jr returns for a third and hopefully final time as the metal devil Iron Man, the plot is sketchy, the effects are phenomenal and the acting is passable.

A flashback to the turn of the new millennium is where our story takes place, where a slightly younger but ever debonair Tony Stark blows off talking to a nerdy -and slightly creepy- scientist (Guy Pearce) on the brink of a new discovery for a one night stand with a hot brunette (Rebecca Hall)..... Who can blame him.

Turn the clocks forward thirteen years and the party days are no more for Tony as he is happily settled with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow). Sadly she cant ail all his problems as he can't seem to shake the events of New York and his near death experience from his mind.

There's no time to focus on himself as he stupidly and I must say quite unnecessarily starts a feud with a terrorist, and from then all hail breaks loose unleashing death, destruction and abduction as Tonys past come back to bite him in the ass. But you know what they say about the past: When you look to the future you leave it all behind.

One of those films where you expect greatness and are then fooled into thinking you are experiencing it when really it's just the remnants of its predecessors. Stick a fork in it, he's done. It's time for Tony put the suit away, only allowing for the exception of more Avenger movies.

Spring Breakers

Spring Break, if you are an american college student is a must at some stage, for everyone else outside the borders of the East and West coast we are on the outside looking in. The movie Spring Breakers on the other hand I don't think quite counts as an accurate description of what we're missing, if it is then I'll gladly sit on the outside in the safety of the coldness of the UK.

College girls Candy (Vanessa Hudgens) Faith (Selena Gomez) Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Brittany (Ashley Benson) (Although don't feel bad if their names immediately made you think this was going to a female Magic Mike) are left behind in a deserted school as their classmates have already jetted off to enjoy two weeks of spring break. Barely saving enough for a Big Mac meal between the four of them, extreme measures are soon resulted to in the name of Spring Break, and before they know it they are off living the college dream in Florida.
Being drunk, getting high, trashing hotel rooms and whipping off those restricting bikini tops are all the norm, but then so is being in the wrong place at the wrong time and getting arrested as everything quickly goes south for our little angels.
Alien (James Franco) is a knight in shining grills for the little princesses as he gets them out of jail for a small price. Although he is both a stranger to these girls and a straight up creepy weirdo, they take him up on his offer to repay their debt and soon the wildness of Spring Break seems tame in comparison to this new jungle of madness they enter.
One by one our little Barbie Dolls try to escape the misadventure of spring break, but not everyone can be persuaded to to leave the grasp and pull of the thrills behind.

 For such a provocative personification of spring break, director Harmony sure picked a very Sugar Spice and Everything Nice cast. This included two ex Disney starlets a doe eyed Pretty Little Liar, and his wife..... No comment on that last note. The character of Gomez' Faith, was majorly flawed, she was a baggy clothed Christian one minute, then a bikini clad weed smoking party whore the next. Her character thus became the most annoying as we the audience couldn't quite work out which one of these people she was, or if she was just bipolar, which lets face it would have probably been the more creative option.
What was one of the most memorable moments was only made so by Britney Spears' Everytime as it's background music, which left the scene both haunting, beautiful and empty.
Overall the film tried to hard without really getting anywhere, it felt a bit like going to the toilet and waiting for something big to happen, but it ending up being a false alarm; A waste of time, annoying, dissatisfying and leaving you with a cold bum.

Jack The Giant Slayer

Based on the well-known tale of a gullible opportunist in Jack and the Beanstalk, our unlikely hero has more to gain than a Golden Goose and her eggs. This film gives Jack a personality that ranges outside of the scope of selfish and stupid allowing us to see him as a young clumsy boy with a dream and a case of bad luck. 

Giants were once forces to be reckoned with, but with all things unimaginable, reality became a story, story a myth and myth a legend and soon the land of Albion where our story takes place, was in a state of blissful unawares to what once was. That is until one day Jack (Nicholas Hoult) in kindness to a monk, trades his horse for a pouch full of magic beans.

Suffice to say Jacks uncle is not happy at being cheated out of money for food for some worthless beans, but their worth however is no longer in question as within minutes, a thick vined snake erupts from beneath the earth encasing the house. It reaches out seemingly endless into the clouds, taking with it the recently escaped Princess of Albion; Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson). Seizing his chance to no longer live an adventurous life vicariously through his books, Jack volunteers himself for the Princess rescue mission, led by the leader of the Kings elite guards; Elmont (Ewan McGregor). Jack isn't the only tag along as Lord Roderick's (Stanley Tucci betrothal to the princess has nothing to do with his urge to quickly find out what lies at the top of the beanstalk.

There were a few really nice touches added to the film which people who are familiar with the tale of a boy and his beans will really appreciate, but don't hold your breath for anything particularly spectacular from this movie. Although it was a good watch it, like it's original story was a simple tale and with that there's only so much you can do. As the credits rolled and you automatically try to recall your favourite scenes you realise that the titular character barely got to speak. Except for the witty one-liners and adorable quirks, at the end of the day it left you wondering; without the beanstalk, who is Jack?